By Donna Morrison, Deputy Director, The Guidance Center of Westchester
July 4th starts the official “s’mores” season in my family...you know the roasted marshmallow on top of a chocolate bar and graham cracker...yumminess? Then at a recent staff development training I had the opportunity to watch once again the “Marshmallow Experiment” video.
During the 1960s a classic longitudinal study was started by Michael Mischel at Stanford University. It has since become known as “The Marshmallow Experiment”. You can watch the original experiment as well as more recent replications on the internet. Basically the researcher presented two options to hungry four year‐old children. They could have one marshmallow right away or get two marshmallows fifteen minutes later when the researcher returned after “running an errand” as long as they didn’t eat the first one. One third of the children opted for one marshmallow. (Mischel, Walter; Ebbesen, Ebbe B. October 1970).
I have four grown children of my own. I thought about how different they each are and how perhaps they would have completed the “Marshmallow Experiment” when they were four;
My oldest was the “perfect child” and followed directions to the littlest detail. She lived to please and couldn’t tolerate any one being unhappy with her. She would have sat very patiently singing a song to herself while waiting happily for her second marshmallow to arrive. When she got it she would eat one and save one for later! Some of the videos of the “experiments” had two children in the room at once. My twins were problem solvers and worked together. They were also a bit “active” so I could see them wiggling, tapping the table, and wrestling with each other while they waited. They would probably agree to share one of the marshmallows and eat half each, when the other got his second marshmallow because he “waited” he would share it with his twin so they both would get one and a half!
My youngest was a tester and a tornado! She had a questioning spirit and always asked “Why and How come!” She wanted it all, at all times! I could see her getting off her chair the minute the researcher turned to go to the door. She would grab the marshmallow, pop it in her mouth, and slip out the door behind the researcher, at which time she would follow her to the marshmallow stash, wait for the researcher to leave and then help herself to a full bag!
After several years they did a follow up of the original participants who then graduated from high‐school. Mischel found that the children who waited (for the second marshmallow) now possessed the habits of successful people (Beachman, 2009). They were positive, self‐ motivated, and persistent in their pursuit of goals (Beachman, 2009). These habits point to successful marriages, higher incomes, and better health. The study also showed that the participants who did not wait earned lower SAT scores, were indecisive, less confident, and stubborn; all predictors of unstable marriages, low incomes, and poor health (Beachman, 2009).
Self‐control in the early years is expressed by the ability to trust adults, internalize rules, delay gratification, control angry impulses, find internal ways to be more patient despite frustrations, empathize with others’ feelings, take turns, and find ways to cheer up when feeling sad (Honig & Lansburgh, 1991). Young children are expected to regulate their behavior and emotions. They are expected to “delay, defer, and accept substitutions without becoming aggressive or disorganized by frustration, and [to] cope with arousal, whether due to environmental challenge or fatigue” (Bronson, 2000 p. 71). Well, those are some high expectations!
Going back to my kids and reading about the long term outcomes, one would expect at least one of my kids to be in a low paying job, an unstable marriage, or at the very least stubborn and indecisive! Two of my four children have masters’ degrees, one is completing their master’s degree and one has two years of college and very successful in their chosen career. The youngest who would have eaten the marshmallow quickly, has multiple teaching certifications and has taught at the college level!
Why don’t they follow the expected results? Maybe my kids are unique (I like to think they are!)? But more likely they started internalizing the boundaries and self ‐regulation skills they were learning at home and their quality Early Childhood Programs. Perhaps because they grew up with consequences for both their good, and not so good, behaviors? Perhaps they were held responsible for their behaviors? Perhaps when they were not so good I was able to acknowledge and not deny their behaviors? I know I wasn’t a perfect parent but I also know I would have eaten the marshmallow!
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