What You Don't Know Can Hurt You(r Children)

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You(r Children)

by Meg Akabas

Author of 52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom: Effective Strategies for Raising Happy, Responsible Kids

Armed with the knowledge that a baby traveling in a car without an infant car seat is 71% more likely to die in a car accident than a baby who is secured in a proper car seat, most parents readily comply with government regulations to keep their infants safe. When advised by their pediatrician to put their babies to sleep on their backs to reduce the chance of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, most parents, again, heed this advice.

We are all afraid of instantaneous tragedies, and therefore strict governmental regulation and public service announcements work to prevent them, but we tend to ignore long-term, though more frequent, risks. We now know that a baby's environment and the parenting practices under which it matures affect that baby's future social and emotional well-being, physical health even through adulthood, likelihood of finishing high school, and chances of becoming a criminal or addicted to alcohol or drugs. Nonetheless, relatively very little attention is given to informing parents about how parenting practices and the child's environment affect a child's social, emotional and cognitive development.

Recently, I was meeting with a group of moms, and the discussion turned to the topic of the strife they were each experiencing with the fathers of their children (nearly all of the moms were victims of domestic violence). I quoted for them a recent article I had read about the latest brain findings on infants and discord: "Kids' brains are exquisitely sensitive. Even sleeping infants are affected by family arguments..." ("Troubled Family Life Changes Kids' Brains", Scientific American, Feb. 4, 2013). This piece of information made an impression on the women and led to a dialoge about the importance of dealing with conflicts in a non-destructive way and about strategies to diffuse escalating arguments.

This is just one example of critical material that most parents never learn. Naysayers might argue that all these studies and information just cause undue stress and worry among parents who are already stressed. But why should information about safety and health preclude information about child rearing decisions that can have a tremendous impact on out children's future and the whole of society as a well?

The answer may be that the effects of parenting practices are not seen as critical because the effects are not as directly and quickly seen. But, for whatever reason, we must work to broaden the scope of what is considered to be essential information. Parenting education is the logical means to provide parents with knowledge and strategies about the sorely neglected realms of social, emotional and cognitive development that will be likely predictors of their children's health and happiness into adulthood.

The work of NYSPEP (and every program that promotes parenting education, trains parenting educators and provides educational programs to parents) is critical to fostering strong families and happy and healthy kids and adults. Our responsibility is to share our knowledge with parents, to help them to understand it, and to help them use it to make informed decisions, given their own circumstances and understanding of their children. Let us approach our work with the goal of helping mothers and fathers parent with intention and knowledge.